This post goes along with the link I posted previously.
There are days when I feel as if I’m hitting my head against a brick wall. I’m not getting anywhere on my school work, my training is sucking, and I have zero focus. This may sound like a bad case of senioritis, but there’s a deeper component than that. It’s one of those feelings where you want to retreat into yourself, hide under the covers, and chill there until your grumbling stomach finally entices you to grab some of the Oreos you saved for a rainy day.
You know the feeling.
In all seriousness though, it stems from this huge belief that no one is around listening- even God. I stare at my journal and Bible, and it’s as if I’m stumped; it becomes a blank staring contest with empty pages and honestly, it’s easy to lose because I quickly fall asleep in defeat. You win, blank journal page.
I think what makes it the hardest is that as I sit there staring at the page, trying to open up, I feel as if no one is there. Despite my belief that God is always with me, I feel as if He is either not listening or He is giving me the most intense silent treatment ever- and I don’t understand why. I think, after all, God, Your Word says,
Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you (Matthew 7:7).
So what’s Your deal, being silent?
I’ve found that sometimes it’s easier to talk to another person about what’s going on inside your head and to have them pray for you instead of trying to force your mind to focus on something it’s actively rejecting. Granted, I use the term “easier” loosely; it is never easy to open up to another person and admit what you’re struggling with. I am the first in line to admit that- I hate telling people if something is wrong.
(Although admittedly, I’m sure very few people really get a kick out of it. But I digress.)
And here comes the “where it all changed” moment of the story. The punch line, if you will. I finally admitted to someone today that I felt as if God was being silent and had just left me to struggle alone.
I kid you not, my lovely reader, mere hours after I admitted this, I heard a song on the radio that, lyric for lyric, was absolutely God’s response to my doubts and fears.
Before I go on, I would just like you to know that I do, in fact, realize how much this sounds like a cheesy radio promo commercial. And I’m sorry if that offends you.
Back to my story. I’ll put the full set of lyrics in another post, but here is the refrain:
What are you waiting for?
Your Standing at an open door
This is your life, you never live twice
Step through to the other side
‘Cause there’s so much more
What are you waiting for?
-“What Are You Waiting For” by Shawn McDonald
And in one short, three minute and twenty-seven second song, God not only refuted my belief that He was silent, He also answered questions I had been struggling with in the midst of it all. Who knew, God could use songs on the radio to talk to you? I sure didn’t. Yet, here I am.
I don’t know what you’re struggling with, or if you’re even struggling at all. I don’t know where you’re at spiritually or what you believe in. What I do know is that there is a God up in Heaven that loves you so much and will use anything, even a three minute song on the radio, to pursue you and show you how much He cares for you. No matter what is happening in your life, you do not have to face it alone.