On Writing and Words

In contrast to how I started yesterday’s post, there are some days where I have so many things I want to write about. Topics for days. So many thoughts I want to process. I’m not really sure where to begin. 

I thought I might share with you all why I chose to blog [almost] every day in Lent. I know I have mentioned it before, but I haven’t really gone into the details. And maybe, for some of you, this will give you a better insight for who I am and where I am coming from when I’m writing.

For those of you who don’t know me very well, I’m not normally this talkative. I’m pretty quiet in big groups, although I can be chatty in smaller groups- especially when they are comprised of familiar people. But, I love being around people. I get a lot of energy when there are people around me- especially if I can stay a wallflower. Personal preference I suppose. 

However, as you can imagine/as I have mentioned before, I have always been a huge bookworm. And along with my bookwormness, I was also a big writer. I have kept a journal for as long as I can remember. Writing is my way of processing things, of thinking about things, and my preferred way of communicating things. It keeps my thoughts focused rather than wandering. 

At some point in my childhood, I started using my journals as a vehicle for prayer. My journals were how I best talked to God. I believe I’ve mentioned before that meditation has never been a strong suit of mine. It still isn’t. However, writing has kept a special place in my relationship with the Lord and my faith journey. There have been times when I felt this overwhelming need to sit at my computer, or with a journal, and start writing; often, these times are when my mind is reeling with too many thoughts to control. 

Writing has been the best way for me to communicate with God. Some people have music, some people have nature; my worship and prayer is best expressed in words. 

Nerd alert.

Before Lent this year, it had been an awfully long time since I had last written anything of substance. Words were hard to find and writing did not seem as relieving as it had in the past. But building up to Lent, I felt more and more this familiar pressure increasing inside of me, and I knew that God was calling me towards Him. And the way I knew to best approach Him was my writing. So I sat down to start writing and for the most part, the words have been flowing. And I hesitate to call them all my own. But that’s an idea for a different day.

I once had a literature professor that told me that when I write, I should learn something by the end of the piece. At the time, I had no idea what she meant. Why would you sit down to write something that has an unknown ending? For a grade? That you’re supposed to think through? That seems silly and unadvised. Since that class, I’ve often thought about this and tried to make sense of what she meant.

And I realized that this mindset is how I have been approaching my personal writing for years. It’s what I do now. For the most part, I don’t honestly remember most of what I write in any given post, because I am so focused on trying to hear what God has to say that I really don’t notice what words are being written until I’m done. This probably sounds crazy and I’m sure there is a better, more scientific explanation for what is happening. But for now you’ll have to stay satisfied with my personal anecdote.

When I was in high school, our youth group had a Q&A session with one of the priests at my church. Someone asked him how he wrote his sermons, and he said (I’m summarizing here) he prayed, then he wrote. And he didn’t know what he was writing until afterwards, because he opened himself up for God to channel words through him. 

I remember thinking that this was something I wanted. I had already come to terms with the fact that I couldn’t be a priest, but I remember praying to God that He would talk through me this way. Partially because I wanted to see what it felt like to write this way, but also partially because even then, writing was a big way that I spoke to God, and I had never realized that God could talk back to me through the same avenue. 

So, I guess writing is my way of meditation. It let’s me clear my mind and focus on being with God and hearing His words. And this is the mindset with which I approach my blogs. I’m not saying that every word I write is from God, but I write these blogs with the faith that God has something to teach me through them, not necessarily as a means for me to preach and teach. It started as a way for me to strengthen my relationship with the Lord, but He has started so many amazing conversations, I know that this is not where it ends for me.

Hopefully that gives you a little insight on why I write and how I specifically approach writing these posts.