It finally happened. I finally, FINALLY finished Captivating.
Unfortunately, it turned out to be much more relatable and thought-provoking than I wanted it to be.
Let me back up.
I went into reading this book with a terrible mindset. I’ll be honest here. I had no intention of liking the book; in fact, I expected to disagree with everything that the authors wrote about. But, I did my best to open my heart and pray that God would teach me through it, especially because I felt Him leading me towards the book during my journey of emotions. I mean really, what better way to explore emotions than through a book written for women?
This is of course why I had been avoiding said book since I had first heard about it.
But then He answered my half-hearted prayers and taught me.
I will use later posts to unpack further what I got out of the book and at what point I really began to hear God speaking to me. For now, I’d like to comment on what I think was at the heart of my original disdain for the book.
The authors speak a lot about Beauty. They break down how Eve was created to reflect the Beauty of God and also to bring life to the world, and they refer to an inner desire all women have of being beautiful and wanting to be recognized for their beauty.
And while they tried to define Beauty as being more than just physical appearance, I don’t think they did the best job. Partially because Beauty is so engraved in our minds as being something physical that you see.
I’ll admit that I, too, have had a longing to be recognized as beautiful. But I have also spent many years coming to terms with the fact that I am not a model, and my features are a weird blend of American and Asian that many of my peers growing up didn’t know what to do with. I worked through a lot with God in my late high school and college years to find my identity in something other than my physical appearance.
Then, three years later, I pick up a book telling me that I was made to desire Beauty. And really I just wish they had picked a different word. It was hard to dissociate Beauty from physical appearance while reading the book. And while I was reflecting on what it means to desire Beauty, I realized that I don’t necessarily want to be told I’m beautiful; I want to be told that I am worthy.
When I look at the moments in my life when I desired to be beautiful, I had the same feelings as when I desired to be smart or successful. I wanted to be validated, to be told and reminded that I had worth as a person.
It’s embarrassing to talk about. It really is. Who wants to admit that they want validation from others? I don’t. Who wants to be the persons continually asking our friends, “Do you think I’m good enough?” Not me. Yet we were never created to live as islands, and part of loving someone and sharing community with her/him is reminding them of how important they are to you. That’s the heart of encouragement.
It seems much easier to be the island. Our society even encourages it. Don’t seek validation for your worth; just make it happen. Be successful, then you won’t need anyone. But even when we tell ourselves this, we still long for that validation and encouragement, and I think it’s because we were made for it. Our hearts were made to be loved and validated through God, and through our community.
I think one of the Devil’s strongest tools against us is Loneliness. Probably of the stubborn independent strain. Communities fall apart when people decide they don’t need each other. But they thrive when their members admit to needing each other, and also when members love and validate one another’s worth. I can’t speak to what the heart of men desire, or if it’s different than women. I do know that in light of reading Captivating, and in my own interpretation of what the authors were trying to say, our desire for love and validation is what drives communities together, which in turn encourage us to further know God and the nature of His love for us.
I’ll be honest, when I started this post I had no idea that I would end up talking about community. And I’ve noticed that I almost always end up writing about the importance of community in my posts. More to come on this.