I’ve been thinking a lot about change lately. Especially today. There are a lot of things that are getting ready to change drastically in the next year of my life, and I have control over almost none of them.
The first thing that is going to change is my age. Like, next week. Big old 2-5. Eek. What is 25 going to look like? What do you do when you turn 25? Is 25 old? It sure feels old when you work with undergrads all day.
On top of that, I feel as if I’m entering 25 in crisis mode. I’m reading a book that is challenging everything I think about myself, and I’ve felt this overwhelming pressure to evaluate my life in the eyes of the Lord and then reevaluate how I am living. Is this the way I want to live? Do I want to be the same person at 25 as I was at 24? Do I want to change? How do you change yourself?
I’d like to trade in my birth year for a new one, please. A younger one.
Realistically, it all seems like too much for me to handle. It is definitely too much for me to handle on my own. But God gave me at least two messages today to remind me that He is with me and that while the changes may be necessary, they won’t be lonely.
[I just want to comment that I feel weird saying things like “God spoke to me” or “I got a message from the Lord.” I’m first in line among the skeptics when it comes believing others when they say God said something specific to them. But I am also first in line among the hypocritical because I have heard God speak specific things to me. So interpret the rest of this blog as you will.]
The first message I got was at church this morning. The reading was from 1 Corinthians 10, and verse 13 hit me the hardest.
No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.
Okay, God, I see you. As I think about where my life is going, it’s definitely tempting for me to take the easy way out on things. Yeah, maybe I need to address this situation, but it looks too hard. I’ll just wait. And do it later. Maybe. Or just continue to ignore it until it disappears.
The other sign I got from God was a song. And the reason I know this song was from God and not just next on the Christian radio playlist is because He has used it in my life before. (I’m pretty sure I wrote a blog about this song years ago.) The song is called “My Savior My God” by Aaron Shust, and the opening lines go as follows:
I am not skilled to understand What God has willed what God Has planned I only know at his right hand Stands one who is my Savior
And the chorus:
My Savior loves My Savior lives My Savior’s always there for me My God he was My God he is My God he’s always gonna be
Every time I have heard this song on the radio (no, I’m not too cool for FM radio) I have felt waves of comfort and relief unexpectedly wash over me. Something in the simplicity of the words reminds me of what I believe to be true in my core. I don’t believe in a God who created me then let me go. I believe in a loving, living God who is with me every step of the way. And I believe that He walks with me when I don’t understand His plan, and that He does so NOT for a power trip, but to guide me down the best path.
I think we get very caught up in feeling like God is sending us orders. “I know God is telling me to do this;” “God has put this on my heart but I am afraid of what will happen;” “I don’t know if I can do what He is asking me.” What we forget is that God is not corporate America. He does not send us a task-oriented memo full of things He expects done by Tuesday. When we feel God “telling” us to do something, He is really saying, “Let’s do this together. I will help you. I know the way, if you would only trust me.”
Of course, the trust part is another story. But the first step is to recognize that God never sends us where He is absent. And if we look outward, at His strength, rather than inward at our own shortcomings, we can then begin to face the challenges set before us. Such as reevaluating what life at 25 should look like.